VANUATU
embrace injustice.

The TV series made it pretty clear that competing in the tribal sports was painful and difficult. From time to time it also illuminated what a challenge the language and cultural barriers posed to us competitors. A few clips even slipped through revealing the discomforts we faced living the subsistence lifestyle. But not a single frame gave viewers any insight into the complex and trying relationship we struggled with by being the “character props” on an observational documentary series.

You can't get more bottom of the barrel in TV jobs than signing on as a first-time reality personality. Ecstatic just to be offered the opportunity in the first place, we signed away nearly every privilege and right in our contract and accepted seriously inadequate pay with no prospect of royalties. Don't get me wrong; we weren't in it to get rich. But for people like Brad and Jason with families to support, they were risking poverty.

We were treated very much as our contract indicated: as though we were worth nothing. We had to protest to get meals, do laundry, call home, or be prepared for the extreme environments we were traveling to. Not a detail was shared of our upcoming itinerary or our activities, and we were consistently lied to and manipulated for dramatic effect.

I got into Harvard because I worked hard and pulled every string that I could to get ahead (sometimes for good, often for bad). So when I perceived myself in a vulnerable position I naturally used my training to do everything that I could to get back on top. I began playing the production just as I was being played to get any leg up that I could.

On our second to last night in Vanuatu, after one of the production members interviewed me about the upcoming race, he expressed to me how difficult many of my moral decisions made it for the production team to make a good television show. Our conversation got heated and I ironically protested, "I don't mean to be an asshole." He replied without pause, "That's just who you are."

My college friend, Nate Dern, had starred on the reality series Beauty and the Geek while I was filming for Last One Standing. He warned me that no matter how much I wanted to find friendship among the production crew, I shouldn't. They had a business to run, and when it came down to it, their job was their first allegiance. It would only pain me. Nate’s observation was spot on. My relationship with the production crew brought me the most heart-wrenching experience of the entire adventure. But it was not because I tried to make friends with them.  It was because I didn't.

What I misinterpreted about Nate's statement was that just because you can't trust people with your livelihood doesn't mean you should treat them poorly, regardless of how they treat you. The truth of the matter is that while the six of us athletes surely dealt with a lot of mistreatment, it was not unique. Just about everyone was working for low salaries, were promised necessities they were not given, and consistently had to deal with extra trouble for which they should not have been responsible.

By treating the people around me as my oppressors I myself became an agent of unfair treatment. The production crew members were people like me, with loved ones and aspirations, who were also being used in exchange for opportunity. So whose fault was it then that we were being mistreated?  The production crew follows orders from the producers; who are given direction by the company that employs them; which makes television decisions following systematic viewer surveys. This world is too complex to be able to judge. It was then that I learned: blame should never be placed, only owned.

We all are dealt hands with elements of injustice. Some even go as far to say that suffering is what defines life. Projecting my unhappiness onto others does not better my own situation; it only makes theirs more unpleasant (and in turn, my own).  The way to overcome injustice is to embrace the challenge that it brings and the common thread that we share within it. If you can receive injustice and return only love, you will practice life's most valuable virtue. You will find heaven, here on earth.