KRAHO BRAZIL
be yourself.

If this were a different television show where cast members got voted off, I can be fairly assured I wouldn’t still be on it.  This was apparent even in the earliest of locations. Regardless, locals and even my fellow athletes kept pegging me in certain sports as one of the favorites. I set my task in Brazil to discover why I was so intent on losing even when others were certain I would win.

My athletics is not like the others. I compete because of the way it drives me to come in contact with the boundary between my existence and the world around me. I climb for the feeling of vertigo and the view. I ski for the addiction to speed. I scuba to explore another world. If ever I perform athletic feats, it’s always been to reach some elusive goal or because my life is in danger, rather than to prove something. I didn’t understand why the other athletes thought winning was so important.

In Brazil, the sport was anyone’s game, so I decided to forgo my typical cultural pursuits and dedicate myself to trying to win. On a team with Rajko and Brad, when we weren’t training with the locals, we trained on our own. Rain or shine we practiced with heavier logs than were used in the race, perfecting trade offs and communication. At night we spent long hours talking strategy. 

Come race day, the sport was so much harder than any of us predicted. We set a pace so fast that passing the log to recover was really no recovery at all.  Surely apparent from the expressions on my face during the last couple hundred meters of the log carry, it was an excruciating task. But with the team’s weight on my shoulders, I felt compelled to push myself to the edge.

Once Rajko and I passed the log to the locals came the real decision. I knew we’d won the team race, but now was my chance to win a location. My biggest competition, Rajko was right next to me. All I had to do was suck it up for 15 minutes and all the pain would be over and I might have a victory to show for it. 

I continued running, but I didn’t know why I was. We’d already won the competition that counted, now everything was just for pride. Rationality overcame me and my pace slowed. I finished the race, but not fast; surely not as fast as I could have if I’d cared. I thought that I’d convinced myself to care, but that day I learned that’s not something that one can do in challenging circumstances. You can’t fake desire, which is why athletes like Jason are so incredible. He defies physical odds because he lives to win.  I live to learn, which, in a top athletic world, is a will to lose.